hellogoodbye

31 October 2005

Its either me or the people around me.
Or maybe because my period's ending.
Depress.
Ya-dar-ya-dar.
There are ways and means of crushing me.
Unknowingly.Secretly.Un-noticable-ly.
Yeaps people.
You can do that.
Often this happens when just one person does anything.
If you guess that person.
*Ding-Ding-ding! You've hit the jackpot fellas.
Recently another one.
Is it a curse or something that i have to put up with the opposite.
Hahhas.Anyways..
Tree and sof and i played sparkles and candles just.
I or rather We smell like smoke now.
Teehee.I had fun.
Tree was caught in action when we came upon cats.
Pity them having to scram at the sound of her wonderful music.
NO OFFENCE MADE ~~hopefully~~.
Took pictures.
But if only i have ga ee's thingy then i can post it now.
Shall remind her again.
Fate.
It never seems to shower upon me.
Whenever i need it badly.
Somehow somewhere someone is praying something else.
But i know the LORD is watching over me.
Helping em with my Decisions.

Y CASSANDRA

30 October 2005

HAPPY EARLY HALLOWEEN!!!
There are times.I so regret what i have typed in here.
Honestly.Its true.
Like after i wrote in ytd entry.
Things really changed.
Is the Lord really like finally helping me with my decisions?
If it is.PRAISE THE LORD!
Church was usual today.
We went to visit Lauren.
Oli's chubby.big sized.newborn sister.
I admit.She's cute.
Coincidentally met tree at the library.
Ronnie's dad.Ronnie.and yue hua they all.
I have a very sudden obsession.
Clam Chowder =)
Yummy.Yum.Yum.
There is going to NO training on my birthday this year.
I can spend time to myself and my love and close ones.
Maybe indulge myself in some expensive rich in chocolate cake.
This is so making me drool.
honestly.
Amenda's comment is still in my mind.
Feeling very uneasy thinking about it.
Don't leave me.
Even if i do.

Y CASSANDRA

29 October 2005

Long day ytd.
Bbq at Joanne's.
I HAD FUN!
Barbequeing.Acting stupid.Bullying.Patting cat.Being dumb.Chatting.
Stayed over as well.
Darn.We didn't get air-conditioning. >.<
If you're gonna be the same as whoever.
I'll have to think double-ly twice.
Its not worht having a de javu under such circumstances.
Fashion Parade with hs.
We had fun imitating people.
I screamed. Trying to Imitate tree upon seeing a cat.
Scrabble training just now.
We ended chit chatting most of the time.
Oh~Jimmy got "throwned" into the pool by edrina.
3 Cheers for edrina!
Amenda's comments continue dwell in my mind.
Why.Why.Why.
If sincerity counts.
WHY? In the first place.
Movie with people or library with him.
Both i want.
Corky came in his bike this morning.
It all turned out to be a floop.
~~Shyfulness~~.Playfulness.Security.
It all slowly grows within the heart.
If it failed.
Don't cry.
For he's finally fighting.
Love.Hugs.Kisses.

Y CASSANDRA

27 October 2005

Thirty-th post.
Happy Birthday MAMA!!!
Got my report book today.
DAMN!
I should have studied instead of sleeping.
Fight.Quarrels.Misunderstandings.Lies.
Someone help.
People say this and that.
I'm so blur.
I don't know what to do.
She says don't be like her.
Hopefully.
Blazer in my room.
I feel proud of myself for speaking well.
LIKE REAL.
Tomorrow's gonna be "fantastic".
Blazer.Tie.Court Shoes.Pespiration.
He lied.I lied.
Both of us are liars.
Like.Love.Hate.
Crazy me still thinking of wanting both.
Barbeque tomorrow i'm kinda excited.
Chicken Wings.Otah.Hotdogs.
Yum Yum.
Still together.
Don't bother asking for an asnwer now.
Confuse.Indecisive.BLUR.
The Bird Flu epidemic.
Scared.What if China/Beijing gets it when i'm there.
Bye Poeple.I may die.
Thinking too far.Just mind me.
Don't even bother asking who i'm choosing.

Y CASSANDRA

26 October 2005

Still in that stupid dilema.
At least it got worst after examx
Or rather on the last few days of school.
You want me to have a good talk.
I will when i have the right things to say.
I just don't know what to talk about nowadays.
Moodless.confuse still.decisions.
I'm so not gonna make another big one in my pathetic life AGAIN.
Questions.i need answers.
Feelings.Confirmation? teehee.
I can still remember jokingly telling vic in sec one about dating.
I was never to date any boy.
Cause i hated them.
Well i kinda still have that feeling towards them.
But...
I did not keep that comment to myself.
I did so otherwise.
I wish i still had alwin as my best friend.
And also to have had continue having a close friendship with cheryl.
Two of my major pillars gone.
I didn't keep them well.
Now they mean the world to me.
Hormones.Growing up.Raging emotions.
The Teenage years.
Starting of the maturing of our adulthood.
The start of all problems.
Misery and Pain.
The result of a unstable relationship probably.
You left me in despair.
Helped me halfway and ignored the whole situation.
You good.You good.Bleahx >.<

Y CASSANDRA

22 October 2005

busy day ytd.
Out here and there.Sitting at a table collecting money.
Well.that was at Hannah's grandpa's wake.
Sick too.sinus and er.car sickness.
Pizza =)
Thanks so much.
For you made me full.
Chit.Chat.Talk.
Under the bright moon.
We even took a picture of the moon.
Probably for memory.
Almost 12.
You walked me home.
No idea why for once i felt so safe.
But.I miss you too.
Training just now.
C'girls got whacked by coach.
Poor things.
Going to Thailand in december for volleyball.
I'm gonna miss youth camp as well as you all.
But honestly.
I do not want to go Thailand!
I wanna spend time with God.
With my family of God.
~~Bo Bian~~.
Tickets has been booked.
Have to put aside the Lord once again.
The controversy between us still continues.
Till the day i say...

Y CASSANDRA

20 October 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOWSUN DIDI!
School's a bore nowadays.
With no homework or pressure.
Yes.i'm suppose to enjoy.
But with the big O next year.
NO WAY.
Him and i.
Shoutings.Mini quarrels.anger.
What's happening.
Moodswings a possibility.
Hatred.Nahs.
He asked if he's the reason.
No.was my reply.
But i guess so though.
I'm beginning to hate the opposite sex again.
So do not make me blow up dudes.
Except one or two.
Ten failers from my class.
i hope a few more can make it.
Prays that one of them is not him.
He's gonna cry if he is.
Been reading.thinking.crying.praying.
Its pathetic.
I'm pitying everyone including myself now.
I must stop that.
Makes my life a whole lot sadder.
Hannah's grandpa passed away this afternoon.
Time for me to mourn over someone i do not know.

Y CASSANDRA

17 October 2005

I wonder.
Are those pains worth keeping silent for.
It can never be serious.
Nahs..I just can't face the music.
It may be stress or maybe its just part of growing up?
Bummer.
Its bothering me again.
What more.training season's back.
I need to be fit you know.well...At least.
I have one more chance.
The next time i'm caught.
Its byebye honey.
Some results came back.
Not as well as i had expected.
I'm a disappointment to myself.
I'll not make this mistake again next year.
Argh...
This is my second time already.
Even people realise you have been quieter nowadays.
Just...Stop thinking.
Dad's at Connecticut now.
Miss him a lot for the first time.
Joseph's girlfriend is Emma Watson.
Ooolala~
But She has got braces.
Cheryl ~~HATES~~ her for i have no idea what the reason is.
Harry Potter number 4 is coming out soon.

Y CASSANDRA

16 October 2005

training season's back.
Less time to sleep.
More time to see volleyballs.
Sundays used to be enjoyable.
But somehow or rather it ain't anymore.
Myabe it was just the routine i was so used to.
I wished i went to Australia last friday.
All the meat and nice tasty delicious food(:
Broke.
Cold cold dark dark day.
Room's finally packed.
Dad's at New york.
He sent me a picture of the empire state building at 1pm.
EkkS.Horrible weather over there!
Must be the global warming issue.
I need a holiday job.
Mama somehow agreed to me taking up kayaking.
That one star thing i should have gone for.
I so don't want to BeiJing.
Brrr...
Its gonna be so cold there.
But i would like to climb the seven wonder of the world.
Great Wall of China=)
Yeaps,i'm pretty happy bout that.
Results will be out tomorrow.
gagagaggaga
I'M SO SCARED!
Church's camp at Sentosa! Tanning~
Choir thing is somehow back again.
I'm an alto.

Y CASSANDRA

14 October 2005

They hit me just like that.
When i'm starting to drift away from God.
They hit me just like a tsunami or maybe a hurricane.
*Bham!
Cries.tears.afraid.
I run away.
Not because its right or wrong.
Lost.For i'm inexperience with no where to hide.
Him.I lost it.
He who lost it all.
The battle is diminishing.
I fought hard.
But my another isn't helping.
Don't just stand there and think contradicting me will work for you.
*shakes head vigourously.
No way!
Decisions has been made confirmed and finalise.
He realises it.
But...No fighting spirit i see.
So much for being good nowadays.
Out with people doesn't seem to work anymore.
I wanna close my eyes once again and just
Sleep.Slack.Pig.
Going home later.
Just to spend quality time.
Wasted.All went down the toilet bowl.
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
CRY

Y CASSANDRA

12 October 2005

HooRay! Exams are finally over =)
Ended it with a big bang.
Off to orchard with neoprints and walking.
Feets are aching.
Tanning tomorrow.
I'm gonna be burnt.
8pm to the playground.
Talk.Chat.Talk.
Dinner probably at the place with cake to go along with it.
Yum.Yummy.Yums.
Secret recipe.Ooo~
Hamsters Delight! Ming's hamster's so adorable.
sorries and goodnights.
He has to come first now.
Messages and more messages.
I get what you mean.
Jealousy.Whatever.
One who knows me like no other person.
Another shy like anything?
Last one who thinks its secured.
I still wonder if his sarong will ever drop somehow.
Hmmmm....
You'll never get the picture won't cha?
The difference in me you think its funny.
I'm losing it all.
He needs me.
I need him.
I want to be accepted not being make used of.
Hug me.kiss me.Ditch me.
I love cats too.
They are so adorable as well.
I'm just plain old contradicting CASS =)

Y CASSANDRA

10 October 2005

Love.It fustrates me.
ButLove makes me whole as well.
Love.Love.Love.
:*

Y CASSANDRA

9 October 2005

Studied with people this afternoon.
Somebody took some pictures. *Gasp!
I'm happy again tonight!
We became the kitty's rescuers or whatever it is spelt.
We saved it from being so darn HUNGRY!
Holding hands.
I wished it was real.
Slaps mysef.
It can't be,its just a dream.
It was tight,cold yet warm at the same time.
For once i didn't want to let go.
aww man. Dreams.
THREE days more of mugging till exams are SO SO over!
PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!
I thought his papa's sarong would drop somehow or rather.
Bleahx...Disgusting me.
Basketball made me blur.
Dreams. They play me out totally.
Believe this entry or not?
I wanna tell the whole world!
I wanna shout it out loud!
But i can't. I just can't.
Unfinished matters ):

Y CASSANDRA

8 October 2005

I'm too HAPPY to even bother about anything!!!
Its one of the happiest this year.
Sounds stupid if i told you.
No more sad songs.
Just happy sweet ones.
Harry's potter gonna show soon.
But i wanna watch others first.
Open up bud! Open Up!
I ain't gonna hurt you.
But i doubt i can even concentrate today.
WHATEVER.
My mood is much lessen.

Y CASSANDRA

7 October 2005

It didn't turn out well afterall today.
I brokedown a bit.
Ronnie's cat scratched my faced.
He thought i was outside cursing.
Yingen misses all of us (:
Exams are getting horrible.
I'm losing full concentration again.
Its all gonna end next week.
And other in a few months.
I miss gym sessions.
I miss beaching.
I'm gonna get myself a frisbee.
The pains are back.
So are a few other crap thats been bothering me lately.
But i think its almost quite solved.
One gets me,two others go green.
There's remedials tomorrow and tuition again.
More boys coming along for my China trip.
Meaning less fun.
I miss everyone.
I miss the touch of alwin's friendship =(
just call me cass.You save more air

Y CASSANDRA

6 October 2005

A year tml.
He's not feeling well.
A month and three-quarter till my birthday.
A week more till exmas are over.
A week more to celebrations.
A week more till training starts? ahh!
Less than a year till O' levels i think.
A long more till we get together again maybe.
I'm high on coke.
I'm all over him.
He goes mad when i'm with him?
We are very childish when together.
I wanna go London again.
I'm addicted to L-0-V-E by Nat King Cole.
I still LOVE GREEN but i have black nails.
I wanna call him now to ask if he's alright.
I wanna visit the mummies and tombs and pyramids in Egypt.
I want to go for OBS camp again.
I miss you and you and him.
Will you still love me when i leave you?
Someone's very confused.
and my name is Cassandra Cheang =/

Y CASSANDRA

2 October 2005

Today was maybe eventful? So many things i can't bottle. So many things i can't tell. So many different emotions racing through me. History did repeat itself. Doomed. A week ago,the conversation shouldn't even have existed. An hour ago, that promise shouldn't have been made? MISTAKES, they always do happen. I'm lost and i wanna seek some refuge. No one to run, no where to hide. Only the Lord beside me faithfully all these while. Will i be as happy as before? Or will i regret at extreme. One will fall the other will rise. Gosh,i'm such an influence. Yes,i'll regret as time passes by, the promise i shouldn't have made. The acceptance as well. Lord, i was just being excited, i didn't think of my own actions and the consequences. I can't bear to, for they are innocent, i'm the one to be blame. I can't hurt neither can i cry. Strong and independent? no, then what about the promise. Or will i forget in the end? Hope so. Lord!!!! Help me!!!
i learnt how to play 'dai di' today thxxy jimmy~ and i played badminton after so so long! I now know why AJ is like so DUMB and i know that jk doesn't wear boxers. hahas. and Kuong hing plays with cats. Ooo~ So intense. lols

Y CASSANDRA